How to make yourself trainable
“The essential human quality of forming, testing, and retesting new patterns of action and thought dares us to live by their conclusions and not by the standards of our parents, class, or social group.”
Idea of the month: LIMA (least invasive, minimally aversive)
I have been stalking service-dog puppy training classes. As many of you know, I used to have a service dog from Canine Companions who came with me to work every day for over a decade. She passed away, and I've been searching for ways to manage the void, but you never really manage it, do you, you just come to terms with it.
One thing I did in the void was foster rescue dogs. After getting my own terrified rescue dog who had not had any contact with humans (he's a rez dog), I started working twice a week with a non-aversive trainer as well as going through numerous dog training courses. What I learned over the past year is that constant, flowing, calm positive reinforcement works magic.
Plus, it is supported by science. Dogs learn faster and retain longer with positive feedback. Yes, it still takes hundreds of repetitions and daily drills and lots of redirection and patient waiting, no question. It's a serious project.
But in the end, you have a responsive, connected, trainable nervous system. Can you see where I'm going with this? Yes, dear reader, you can, because it's the same with you and me.
As I mentioned, I've been hanging out with dog trainers, including the regional trainer for Canine Companions who raised my service dog, and the trainer who runs Human Animal Bond in Colorado (HABIC), at Colorado State University. Both organizations use a system called LIMA: least invasive, minimally aversive. This is what humans need, too.
I often say to my clients, "You're nervous system doesn't learn if you're mean to it." Think about it: If you treat yourself with meanness, shame, bullying, hard corrections (like a prong collar, don't get me going on that), sharp language, or abuse, your nervous system will not thrive. You will shut down and stop learning—as will your dog, kids, partner, and anyone else in your life.
With the rescue dog, I am always gentle, kind, slow, easy, speaking in soft, low tones, and sometimes moving only one inch at a time. I don't yell and I never say "no!", I just offer another behavior, a different strategy, a new focus. (Pretty much what I do with my clients!) Hence, he doesn't bark, lick, jump, or destroy. He's affectionate and easy to live with. He hangs out in the office and sighs as he sleeps. He pays attention and he feels safe. He's calm and thoughtful and loves to observe the world (like his owner). The other day my client commented, "That's the best behaved dog I've ever seen!"
First things first: Attention and calm
With any mammal you need their attention first. Otherwise, how can you communicate anything? Then, you need calm. Service-dog trainers say the dogs in training need to be able to "calm-settle" in just about any environment. With that, they say, there's a trainable nervous system they can build on.
Yes, it's also true for humans. You need your own attention and your own calm. Doing Feldenkrais will help you calm, settle, and direct your attention to create a workable nervous system. It will help you shift out of rumination, fear, or a wildly sympathetic state. You will find a quiet, safe space on the inside from which to explore new patterns. Calm and inner attention is the magic. One of my clients is a therapist and she commented that this is what's needed for humans to make a change in therapy, too.
Second: Cue vs. command
The idea of commanding yourself, another person, or a dog to do something is long dead and buried. Consider cuing instead of commanding. Lots of studies have been done with dogs using both styles and cuing wins.
Consider this comment from one trainer:
"Positive training methods rely on cooperation between the human and the dog. Positive trainers set the learner up for success, then reward the dog for getting it right, making the dog an active participant in the contract. Older methods rely on an authoritarian model where commands are issued and strict compliance is expected, and where any deviation from this is viewed as insubordination and the dog is a participant whether it wants to be or not."
I don't just say this about dogs, I vehemently and energetically say this about humans. It is vital to create a positive partnership with your own nervous system. That is what sets you up for success, not "strict compliance."
The only way to invite new patterns is with cooperation and kindness.
I cannot stress this enough for all of us strivers, stretchers, strainers, pushers, and pullers out there. Commands don't work, the authoritarian model is dead. Try telling yourself to sit up straight, pull your shoulders back, tuck your rear, hold your belly, etc., etc. You'll quickly discover that telling yourself off is exhausting, mentally and physically.
Conversely, it doesn't mean that you let yourself run wild, or that a dog gets to do anything it wants. In both human and dog learning, you have a choice, but you narrow the options to explore specific trajectories. It's exactly what Moshe Feldenkrais does with constraints and variables in Awareness Through Movement® lessons. As you go through the lesson, your job is to lower the threshold of ambition and raise the threshold of comfort as you test the variables. (Your nervous system will love you, especially if you provide cheese.)
From Kathy Sdao, dog trainer and author of Plenty in Life is Free:
"We humans repeatedly fall into the trap of thinking that power and control are what successful relationships are about. On deeper reflection, we can see that in our best relationships we communicate clearly and easily. In the long run, communication trumps control."
Dr. Feldenkrais figured this out decades ago. He knew that if we were rigid with control and self-recrimination, it would be hard to learn. His optimal mode for learning was one where your face could smile and move into laughter at any time, easily, spontaneously.
My question for you is: How kind are you to yourself in this moment? Is your relationship based on control or communication? Food for thought.
Happy pup.
Rescue pup Jasper, left, with his girlfriend, Roulette.
“The truly important learning is to be able to do the thing you already know in another way. The more ways you have to do the things you know, the freer is your choice. And the freer your choice, the more you’re a human being.”