Eight Ways to Curate Your Well-being
We all aspire to that magical state called well-being. Yet, the reality is that life happens. How do we manage the interruptions? Some of my personal strategies are:
1. Rest.
I often—at least once a day—set the timer on my phone for 18 minutes and lie on a blanket on the floor without moving. (Not the bed or couch, they're too squishy.) This allows everything to settle as well as discursive thought to calm. There's no directed mental activity, no forcing of a pattern on the thoughts. Just let the spine, mind, eyes, and attention rest. I often have my best ideas when my attention is spacious and new connections can form in the brain. Afterward it's easier to focus and easier to take action, and the action I do take is less muddled with misdirected cues.
Rest to find your default. Use the rest to feel your default sense of self. When we are busy running around tasked with completing things, the brain's executive function lights up to issue commands. However, when the mind is free to wander, the "default network" emerges. This is the sense of self that gets suppressed by the executive function issuing commands. The "default mode network" is the neurological basis for the self. Allowing it to emerge connects with your personal narrative and helps you reference your emotions, memories, values, and more. (read a NYT article on the wandering mind here)
Rest to create empathy. Depending on how you feel at the moment, you might go to negative thoughts when resting. If this happens, I like to use the comment, "of course," from non-violent communication founder Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. "Of course I'm thinking about this thing, it's something I care deeply about," or, "Of course I'm worried about this situation, it's refers to something I value strongly." Then, have empathy: Empathy is simply a non-verbal presence to what is alive in you at this moment.
2.Talk to friends.
Make time for friendship over projects, cleaning, shopping, yard work, laundry, and taking out the garbage. Think of it as your life and health ROI. Even if you're an introvert, balance self-reflection with nourishing depth of connection. Note that a lack of social connections is linked to a risk of premature death comparable to smoking. (read a NYT article, Happiness is other people, here)
3. Get out of the chair, especially when on the computer.
Days like today, which is a computer day for me, I have to remind myself to get up every couple hours and walk around the neighborhood, do a 30-minute Feldenkrais lesson, or eat some blueberries and make a cup of tea. Then I come back with more energy and creativity. I don't need to extol the virtues of a non-sedentary lifestyle and the negative effects of sitting for eight hours a day.
4. Drink tons of water.
This is obvious and everyone says it, but it's absolutely vital: it removes dead cells, waste, and toxins, and conversely carries good things to the cells. It balances body temperature, improves your skin, lowers risks of fatigue, improves your metabolism, brain function, and mood. I could go on. You get it. Drink water.
5. Manage errands to the minimum required for existing.
People often load up their day with tasks and think they're being "productive." I'm here to tell you that too many errands is a life-drainer. You can literally watch your life swirling down the drain. Plus, it increases cortisol and makes you more susceptible to brain-bashing construction zones and traffic re-routes. And, too many errands bring you into contact with more systems that could fail, like check-outs and customer service people. Instead, prioritize the most important, high-impact errands. I tend to do one easy errand with one hard one, like an easy-to-manage health-food store with the customer-service-challenged, hard-to-navigate Home Depot. Then, unless it's a question of life or death, I'm done.
5. Don't over-schedule, over-commit, or over-do.
How do you know? Check your belly, breath, and jaw. Do you hold your breath, tighten your belly, or clench your jaw to get through the day? If so, trim the schedule like you're on a life-saving diet. The consequences of over-scheduling are just as bad as a diet of french fries and coke. It can create auto-immune disease, chronic fatigue, sleep problems, mood problems, and more. I suggest building in buffer zones of thirty minutes around activities and appointments, understanding your own circadian rhythm, and defining your boundaries in advance, which makes it easier to say no. Plus, give yourself low-stress goals, like a seven-day challenge of reducing your commitments.
6. Put a support system in place: Get five people on board who you can call any time of the day or night. This is VERY important. It's like an emergency fund: you never know when you'll need it, but it's there for you. It's a simple formula in life: Support lowers risk. I am conscious of this, and I have had emergencies in my life when I needed those people at all hours of the day and night. You never know.
7. Create one unstructured, unscheduled day per week. Or every two weeks, depending on what's possible for you. What would you do with a day to yourself? If you're first answer is sleep or rest, you're likely doing too much in the first place. Even if you have young kids and a million outside interests, it's vital to create time to feel yourself and discover your natural, unfettered impulses, tendencies, yearnings, and emotions. Give this gift to yourself because no one else will do it for you. I often look out the window and watch the flickering sunlight across the deck. Maybe I'll reach for a book, walk the dog, phone a friend, look up a recipe, do some writing, roll around on the floor, or go for a hike.
The important thing is that I have a CHOICE. When I have a truly free choice without anxiety about work, compulsively wondering what I should be doing, or worrying about anyone else, my true values emerge. What do you value in life?
8. One hundred words!
Write down one hundred words that describe your life. Anything at all: Adjectives, nouns, people, activities, your job, house, car, family, friends, pets, vacations, books, projects. Then, circle all the ones that inspire you and bring you joy. Then, with a different color circle the ones that drag you down. Notice how weighted the words are: toward inspiration or toward drag? Take five of the most inspirational ones and increase their presence in your life, and take five of the least inspiring ones and ask yourself if you can decrease their presence. The funny thing is, it's hard to write down a hundred words. But looking at them all this way is very helpful.
The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself.
― W. Somerset Maugham
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
― Bill Watterson
“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov